Gratitude

Gratitude.  It's something we oft forget to think about in our daily lives as we make our way through the days.  Screaming and fighting kids who refuse to pick up after themselves can make a person quite grumpy and wish for a place to steal away to.  It's hard to remember to be grateful when you feel so frustrated.

I know I myself try to find the silver lining in things, but it takes me a bit sometimes.  When you go out in the world and see people with their fancy cars and beautiful houses, and they are going here and there, it makes you long for things you cannot have.  Long for things you haven't even been thinking about wanting or needing.  It can make a person feel depressed and wanting.

Things aren't always as they seem though, from the outside looking in.  You see the shiny cars and fancy things, but you don't see the endless hours of working and the pile of debt hanging over someone's head. You don't see the other things in that person's life that you may not envy at all if you knew about.  We all have a face we show the world and you are seeing that public face without any idea what lies behind that mask.

And just as you are pining for the things you see others having, someone is looking at what you have and wishing they had it.  Who knows, even the person you are envying may be envying you.  And if you look back over the years of your own life and circumstances, you might find that the you from back then wanted what you have right now.

Fancy things are not the stuff happiness is made of.  When I stop to think about it, I can realize how lucky I am to have the things I do.  No one has a perfect life, but I know that I have a home, a husband who loves me and 3 beautiful, annoying, sarcastic kids who drive me crazy and leave a mess everywhere, but will almost always try to cheer me up when I am down. Who will give me a hug and do the things I do for them when they are hurt or sad.  

I love my life.  It might take me a bit, but I realize that I don't even want most of the things I wish I had that others do.  Sure there are things that I want, but they aren't the things themselves, but the things they represent, like being able to go out for an anniversary.  Having someone treat your birthday as something special even if you don't.  These are the things I really want.

But I do get those things, even if it is not in the traditional way.  Instead of flowers, it is a bed made, so I don't have to do it along with all the other things I have to do in the morning.  It is all those pictures of me with a sun shining above me that Abby gives me with a big smile on her face.  It is the way Ashley can be so nice and helpful when I need it.  And it is the way Emily seems to prattle on incessantly about whatever seems to be all she thinks about this week.  

Life is a funny thing.  There so many things in my life that I had once wished were otherwise, but I realize that without them, I would not be who I am right now.  I would not be as lucky as I am right now.  I am grateful for the things I have.  So many don't have a home, a loving spouse and 3 kids who love me so much.  I realize just how much I would long for these things if I didn't have them.  And once I realize all the things I have to be thankful for, I don't feel so wanting.  I feel gratitude.

New Ad Shows The Sneaky Ways We Keep Girls Away From Science

I saw this video today and find it very interesting, and it makes sense.  As a woman, I grew up being given dolls and tea sets.  As subtle as it was, I knew even then that it was social engineering.  I am not saying that math or science was my strong suit.  I was always english and reading.  But I have seen young girls being told not to get dirty.

Today it seems even worse.  The pink and blue in the toy aisle seems a sort of barrier.  My own girls have said they couldn't get a toy because it was for boys.  I always tell them that if they like it, then they can get that toy.  It doesn't matter what section it is from.  The only time I tell them not to get dirty is if they are wearing their good clothes and they are waiting for the bus or we have to go somewhere that they need to be clean for.  Most times I tell them a little dirt never hurt anyone.  That's what soap and water are for.

I am hyper sensitive, I suppose, to the things my girls are exposed to.  I always tell them not to let anyone tell them they can't do something.  You can do anything you set your mind to.  And don't ever think you can't do something because you are a girl.

It's like a battle you have to fight as a mother to ensure your kids don't fall victim to the subliminal messages they are exposed to.  From body image to what they can do, there are so many things that can negatively affect them. I don't shield them from everything, but instead choose to address them as they come.  I ask questions when there is an ad about makeup or beauty products.  I explain why I emphasize their intelligence and how they treat others over outward appearance.

Some girls grow up thinking that all they are is what they look like.  I do not want that for my kids.  I tell them they are beautiful, sure.  But I also tell them that they are smart and funny and creative.  If you are always concerned about your appearance, you are basing your self worth on others.  True beauty comes from inside. In my own experience, I find intelligence and kindness to others to be more attractive than what someone looks like.

Sometimes I worry that being a stay at home mom sends my girls a message about their jobs.  I make sure to tell them that they have the choice.  I chose to stay home and raise my girls.  It was very important to me that I be here for them.  They can do whatever they choose.  I encourage them to go out and go to college and experience life before worrying about family and getting married and such.  It's a lot harder to go to college when you have kids to take care of.  It's possible, but I hope they would take care of themselves and figure out what they want for themselves before worrying about any of that.  Because once they get involved with a guy, they will probably put themselves to the back of the line and put him first.  Put yourself first and find your way before that happens.

If I sound bitter, I am not.  I am realistic.  I went out and worked and went to community college.  I honestly didn't really think about dating or any of that.  I was focused on school.  I wasn't the nicest to guys who asked me out, I confess.  It wasn't that I didn't like guys....  I just had something going on and didn't have an interest in that at the time.  When I met my husband I was in a place where he could sneak into a blind spot and somehow got past my armor.  I was done with college and was working.  I wasn't focused on my goals at that point.

It's not that I don't want my girls to get married and live a happy life.  It is because I want those things for them that I try to focus them on what THEY want so that they can go out and reach for it before they start putting others first.  I want them to experience life and find out who they are before they worry about everyone else's needs.  And in a relationship, that is what you do.  You will have a better chance of finding the right partner for you if you know more about yourself and have the confidence to know your worth and to expect to be treated right by people.  And hopefully they will then be able to have a good life, which is all any parent wants for their kids, right?